Just thought I would share this. 
Archive for June, 2008
So I’ve never been one to be a big movie-goer. If I see something particularly interesting I’ll go see it or if we decide to go out and not drink we’ll sometimes go to a movie. Maybe its just me getting older and jaded but this summers’ movie selection has got to be the worst I have ever seen. Actually the last year or so has seen some real garbage. I haven’t seen any of these movies but I’d like to go down the list and complain a bit.
I have compiled this list according to previews I have seen over the last few months:
Award for worst romantic comedy preview: Made of Honor
Damn this looks bad. I can see the whole plot, character development and I’m sure ending from 1000 miles away. Ole’ Mcdreamy (Patrick Dempsey) plays a dude in love with a girl who is getting married to some other dude. But of course before he professes his love for the girl she asks him to be her maid (made?) of honor. So of course now he can’t tell her. I’d guess from previous bad romantic comedies that the guy she’s marrying starts out awesome but ends up being a jerk. Dempsey then confesses all his woes to his oddball friend who gives him advice and provides some comic relief. Maybe its just me but slapstick is not funny. Him running into the waiter is not funny. His oddball, advice giving friend won’t be funny either. Maybe we can look forward to an old person at the wedding using some urban slang or a child repeating some sexual oriented phrase they overheard. While I haven’t seen this either, it reminds me of another Grey’s Anatomy stars attempt at a really bad looking, unfunny romantic comedy “27 Dresses”. Jesus that one looked even worse, they’re trying sooo hard.
Worst comedies of the summer: The Love Guru/Zohan(tie)
Holy Fuck do these movies look stupid! You may start thinking that I’m just not a fun(ny) person and have no sense of humor, well, I loved 40 year old virgin and all those flicks. I think Jud Apatow and his gang are comedic geniuses, although if they keep it up they may go the way of Will Ferrel and wear out his welcome with the over the top character. Anyway, I can’t stress how unfunny these movies look to me. When the previews, which are supposed to sell the movie with highlights, make me cringe every time I watch them I can’t imagine how bad the rest of the movie will be. I can’t decide which one looks worse. Either way, one of the most unfunny things you can do is fake an accent. I really hate accents, especially for some reason when they’re done by SNL or ex-SNL characters. Whenever there is skit on SNL which features someone with some eccentric accent I immediately turn the channel, I just hate it. Both of these movies feature characters with accents. Never sure why people found this funny. I can’t even say the premise of Zohan sounds good to me. The part in the preview where he’s kicking the guy in the face while standing 6 inches from him is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, NOT FUNNY! Adam Sandler has done some alright stuff in the past, what makes him think this will work? I’m predicting a huge failure here.
As far as that Guru shit, Mike Meyers needs to give it up. Seems like a desperate attempt to recreate Austin Powers. A midget (sorry that’s not PC) being man-handled is not funny. Again, dumb accents are not funny. This just looks plain stupid. Possibly the only saving grace for this flick might just be Justin Timberlake. I don’t really like him, I think he makes horrible music and I think he even sports an accent in this movie but for some reason the fact the he usually takes himself really seriously then acts like an ass in a movie strikes me as funny. Surely not worth seeing funny but maybe a few chuckles here and there.
I can only guess that both these comedies will end with all the characters, both good and bad, coming together in the end, all being happy. Thats what generally happens in comedies I don’t think are funny. It did happen in 40yr old virgin but it was a dream thing and not real, possibly making fun of the cheesy movies where this happens.
Worst Action/Adventure: Indiana Jones and the Crystal whatever its called
I don’t necessarily think the previews look all that bad, I’m just going from past experiences. I never saw these movies growing up even though I was the appropriate age to totally be into this stuff. I decided to give them a try this past month. It took all I had to sit through the first two, haven’t made it to the Sean Connery one yet, I fear I may lose respect for Mr. Bond forever. I can see where these movies would ignite a child’s imagination, especially back in the 80’s. But I don’t think these movies were specifically made for kids. There’s blood, a little gore some references to intimate situations, none of which would be there if targeted towards a child only audience. With that in mind I must say these movies are annoying as hell. The women he drags with him really make it bad. They love/hate relationship they have in the first and second are nearly identical even though they are different characters. We know they’ll be together in the end even if we have to sit through the painful “why i oughta” bullshit all the way through. Even though the same female lead that was in the first one is featured in the new one I can guess, its been years since they’ve seen each other or something happened where they hate each other to provide us with that love/hate thing from the start. I guess going on a life-threatening adventure is no fun if you like the person you’re with.
I think it comes down more to a Speilberg thing. I don’t think he makes particularly good movies. While some may be entertaining they are just not good movies. By the way, the Star Wars movies could have been good if they left out that same brand of bad humor that the Jones’ series suffers from. Yeah, I don’t like Star Wars. What are you gonna do about it?!
Maybe this is why we’ve turned to indie movies now more than ever. Hollywood is producing shit. Quantity over quality. I’m not buying into it. I feel a little offended that the powers that be would try to sell us this shit. But then again, Americans are a shallow bunch aren’t we?
So I haven’t updated in awhile. Not sure why but I’ve been really unmotivated to write anything lately. Maybe the nice weather or maybe I’m just really lazy. So Lager (Our greyhound) lost his battle with cancer. He had a huge racquetball sized tumor on the back of his tongue. It developed really fast, within about 3 weeks. He was on some good pain killers and all that, he still had a pretty bad-ass appetite despite it taking him 20 minutes or so to eat and was only a little more lethargic than normal so I don’t think he really suffered at all. It was a pretty hard decision to take him to the vet to do the deed. We knew we had to do it but wanted to wait as long as possible. We didn’t want him to start suffering at all but I think in the back of my mind I was hoping it wasn’t true and our vet along with the Colorado State Veterinary hospital (which is the top 1 or 2 in the country) was mistaken. Chemo would have given him maybe a few more weeks, he’d probably feel like shit and it would have only temporarily quenched our fear and apprehension of the euthanasia.
I think I built myself up to be really scared of taking him to the vet. I don’t like term Euthanasia. It sounds very matter-of-factly which it is. I also don’t like “putting him down” which sounds like what some hilljack would do to his hound dog with a .22 when he got too old. All in all I guess I really don’t like to express, in any manner, that I’m killing my dog on purpose. On our way there I drove him around for a bit. Put all the windows down and let the full rush of the fresh Colorado air hit him. His lips were quivering, as greyhounds lips do when they’re happy. So I won’t get into the details of how it went down once I decided it time to actually pull into the vet parking lot, only it wasn’t as traumatic as I thought but still sucked really bad nonetheless. (wow “nonetheless” is actually a word that spell check didn’t flag) Anyway, he was too young to go but us rescuing him most likely added 6 or so years on his life and he got to hang out a lot, lay around on his futon, get petted by all our friends and do some post-racing day running. Maybe most people don’t find this as hard to take but he was our first dog and will surely be missed. 
