Quieres cafe?

So yesterday at work I drank some coffee cause me and the other dude I work with thought it would be cool to bring in our own coffee maker to our office. I started drinking coffee to help me stay awake during all the boring papers and tests I did for school. I really don’t like the taste of it at all. I didn’t like the taste of beer at first either when I was 14 but look where that story takes us…

Anyway, I couldn’t sleep last night and wrote some weird blog at 2 in the morning. Nothing spectacular there. So afterwards I went back to bed and lie there for probably at least an hour or so before falling asleep. Besides the Gaslight Anthem CD (www.myspace.com/thegaslightanthem) playing in my head all night just as it has done the last 3 days I kept getting these strange flashes of people’s faces. Not hallucinations, as my eyes were closed, probably some synapses(is that a real word) working in my brain. Anyway, there was one gentleman in particular that kept popping in my head and I’m not sure why. So here is my APB on this old soul in case anyone might know who he is.

So he’s an old man, looks like a gold rush type dude from the 1800’s. He, of course, had a beard and glasses and one of those fedora hats they might be called. They are kinda an Indiana Jones hat but the one the ole’ western dudes used to wear. He was white of course (I live in Colorado and go days and days at a time without seeing any diversity). The thing that stuck out, where some of you may recognize him as we usually don’t see this everyday; He looked very uncomfortable and panicked because he had those hairs, the ones that are left on a cob of corn after you peel away the green husks, sticking out of his mouth. A lot of them. Many of them were kinda gross and you could tell that the corn they were from was getting old. It was pretty nasty. Anyway, an image of this guy kept popping in my head until I fell asleep. It could have been the eclipse last night, I’m not sure, do those work the same as full moons??? Fuck, if anyone sees this guy, just help him out, he’s old as shit and could probably use a little help. Anyway, no coffee tonight, just beer.

August 28, 2007
Inspiration: (again) Gaslight Anthem and probably a few beers. Good night.

The carrot on the stick

When I was young I always had this idea that my mom was one step away from getting where we all wanted to be. Where that was I’m still not sure but I knew it would get better when we got there. Things would get better for a while but we always fell back in the same ole’ rut. It was frustrating knowing that “it” was right around the corner, if only everything would fall into the right place at the right time, we’d be great. Someday the sun and moon would align and maybe we’d have a steady place to live or a job that would pay enough to where we could pull in the extension cords from the neighbors for electricity or not have to go to our grandpa’s to take baths.

As I got older I realized our game plan probably wasn’t one that would get us to where we needed to be. My mom’s jobs often rivaled the number of months in a year. Phone numbers might only last a few weeks, sometimes addresses not much longer. Although I had absolutely no interesting in any sort of career or any plans for the future I was sure that I wouldn’t spend my life chasing the carrot on the stick. The carrot would be mine. Everything would be good and I would reach that plateau in life that people get to when they have everything they want. Years later I still haven’t caught the carrot on the stick.

I’m not sure if I ever will or I ever want to. I do get frustrated at times thinking about what could possibly be the place I want to be. I’m also pretty sure that I wouldn’t really be content reaching that place I think I want to be. I’m sure there are certain aspects of life that I will reach that plateau but that will only create others off in the distance that I will look to reach. If there is some sort of answer to why we all do the things we do or where we’re supposed to end up I think that is it. There is no answer. I’m pretty sure I’m having fun. I’m still inspired. Music inspires me still just as much as it always has. When I discover a new band I get like a little kid. Like when my brother and I would watch Rocky movies or the Karate Kid and be inspired to box and fight. I feel giddy about that stuff and can’t wait to get off work and listen to my new music.

I think there’s some cheesy saying somewhere about the destination not being important but the ride there is what’s worth it. I guess that’s true. I guess the carrot on the stick is realizing that there is no carrot, no plateau where everything’s perfect and you’ll have everything you want. In greyhound racing, the dogs are trained for almost the first two years of their life to be aggressive and catch the rabbit. Of course the trainers never let them catch the rabbit. If they do, for some reason, “catch the rabbit” they usually have to kill the dogs because they will no longer have the drive to try. They’ll figure out the rabbit is made of wood and their whole life of training will be a big disappointment. I think if I were to ever come to the conclusion that I caught the carrot on the stick it would pretty much be over for me. So it’s about 2am now here in Colorado, in about 2 hours there is supposed to be an eclipse where the earth gets between the sun and the moon and a little light from the sun goes around the earth and makes the moon glow or some shit like that. It would appear as if the sun were chasing the moon. During the eclipse the sun actually gets close but at the last minute our world gets in the way and helps the moon with a quick get away. I’m pretty sure if the sun somehow ever caught the moon it would be disastrous for us all.
August 28, 2007
Inspiration: The Gaslight Anthem and probably the coffee I had at work a few hours ago.